Saturday, February 7, 2015

Life..and a sharing of my heart.

You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you.
Psalm 86:5

I  haven't update my blog in quite sometime. Because frankly I wasn't sure how to.  It has taken many months for me to come to grips with certain circumstances in my life. Which, I'm finally ready.. I think.. to share with all of you.

Since I last updated my blog in the summer I've been dealing with many changes in my family structure. Some of which.. I found absolutely devastating.. at the time.. but now I am able to cope a lot better then before.

I will not lie, my faith has wavered. I have struggled desperately within myself to find out the whys?

I will never know. I will only know that GOD has a purpose in it all. And I must remain faithful to him to see how it all plays out.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I have clung to this verse for many years, and it has brought me through many different situations.
A lot of my own struggles come from within my own sinful heart. *I* have a plan.. *I* want things to be a certain way. *I* *ME* and *I* some more.
Forgetting at times that it's not always about me.
Proverbs 14 
The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Whoever fears the Lord walks uprightly, but those who despise him are devious in their ways. A fool’s mouth lashes out with pride, but the lips of the wise protect them. ...
Back in the summer, we found out that my teenage son had gotten his teenage girlfriend pregnant.
The perception of my reality came crashing down, HARD.
There was so much emotion twirling and spiraling in my head and heart.
Why? How? What will we do? What will my Christian friends think of me? How will my son get through this? How will my other children react? What are we going to do as a family?
The dynamics of your family change when you go though something like this. Especially when your the "good Christian family" that is involved in your church.
Why God? Why would you allow this to happen? Did you allow this?  Are you there God?
Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction
Can *I* follow these instructions?
The world is full of advice, but can I follow Christ's lead?  Can I rebuke and encourage, with out enabling?
Once I got over the initial shock, we moved forward.

 I won't lie to you. We lost friends over this and we have struggled as a family.

We also gained a beautiful grandson out of it. James Thomas.

I am proud of my son and his girlfriend. They have both repented. And they try their very best to do the right thing. They are young, and they still struggle. But they continue to try.  I'm old and still struggle.

I will not judge them on  their struggles. I wish others would do the same.

I have asked God to lead me on this journey. I have been called a fool, lazy, not fair, too nice. I have been judged on my mercy and grace, and told that I'm doing the wrong thing.

I have sought and cried out to Christ in EVERY aspect of this. For a while I heard just be still. Be quiet, be forgiving.

I often imagine would someone have told Jesus he was too kind, to forgiving? Would some tell him to walk away, let that person struggle. Would someone say to Jesus, they are not worthy of you?

I have been told all those things.

When I read my scripture though.. I haven't seen Jesus do that once!

I will continue to love ALL my children. Through thick and thin. Even when they don't love me.
Just like when we walk away from Christ, he still loves us, unconditionally and underserving.

Matthew 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
If you have stuck by me through this, I appreciate you! My heart thanks you for the prayers, the kindness, the tears of sorrow and joy I have cried with some of you.
A friend loves at all times.

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