Friday, December 21, 2012

From my heart...

Proverbs 3:3
Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.

For many months now we have lived this scripture.. When I say lived it I mean LIVED it.

I know many will say they are a faithful people or person.. That they live this way..

But my experience has been a bit different.

Yes, I would say I've lived a life of faith.. Sure.. But my husband had a job that provided well for us, we had health insurance, we had good vehicles, we "had" it "all" ... in the eyes of the world.

We did not worry about where our next meal would come from. We didn't worry about friends we had many..

And then the bottom dropped.

And now we LIVE a different type of faith. One that truly does depend on God for our every need to be met.. Our every desire to be fulfilled. 

It's amazing how when one loses everything we learn to rely on our Lord so much stronger then we ever have.

When my husband lost his job I was 3 months pregnant with my 6th blessing. Yes, I said blessing, All my children are.
It was a number of years ago that we gave that to God as well. As a testament of faith. We trusted him with our womb..and with the care that he would provide for us and our children as well.
Although we still had a small measure of control.. didn't we?

So we sat down at the time of my husband release from the company.. and in tears my husband told me how he felt relieved. Relieved to be fired? huh? Wasn't he worried? Didn't he wonder how he was going to provide for us? How are we going to pay our bills? You know, the mortgage?? Electric??
No, he wasn't worried.. He said " I know God will provide for us".

That doesn't mean God didn't test us either.. Let me tell you... He did... Hubby was denied unemployment for 8 weeks. We lost his company truck, so we were down to one vehicle, we lost our health insurance and him and a couple of children are on maintenance medicines. We lost our income!!!! But  I couldn't help but feel empathy and support him.. I mean if facing all those rapid fire questions I had and he knew would be coming.. and he still felt relief.. I don't think I quite understood his burdens at work.  Oh and the tests keep on coming..

On that day.. I fully resolved myself that I would completely trust God with everything.. E_V_E_R_Y_T_H_I_N_G!!!!

It's a hard, hard thing to do..
Some days I fail at it miserably.
But my God doesn't!

Some days I feel so undeserving of what I am blessed with..
But my God -is one providing it for me, for us.

Today as I sit and read his word on faithfulness. My heart breaks with humility.. My heart questions my mind.. of why do you doubt.. and then I get a call of encouragement, a card of joy, a visit from someone..

So much more to say... but I'm a mama.. and I am needed.. Much like the God I serve, I must be that constant love to my children..and teach them about the consistent love of God.

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