The Joys Of Family and Hearth

Depression is:  hiding behind a smile that no one but you knows is fake. getting dressed even though it feels like the hardest thing to do. hugging your child, when you can't fathom another person touching you. going out, when you really want to stay home. petting your dogs, while  you wonder why they love you unconditionally. cooking for your family, when you really rather not. not eating for days, and then when you do you choose moon pies. crying when you're in the shower, alone in your bedroom, while your whole house sleeps. feelings of guilt feelings of sorrow feelings of inadequacy  feeling overwhelmed feelings you can't explain feeling exhausted headaches  feeling alone even though I'm surrounded by people.  and so much more... but as of late these are the feelings I've been having.  Trying so hard to over come, but my energy level just can't handle any negativity. 

I have been wanting a new bible for quite some time.  I found this one online but I'm way to cheap to buy it for myself.  I can't help it. I'm a mom of 6.  My children have always been my first priority.  Since our move to PA, we have experienced some major changes.  Lots of good and some could be better.  The goal was to better our family and I feel that we have done that.  But a huge part of me, misses my family, my home, my people.  Starting fresh and alone is hard work for me. Especially since I was well established in my area.  The need for me to lean into God is stronger than ever.  We have found a home church. We have jumped in full throttle.  I had a particularly bad day the other day.  And my son went out and bought me this bible and surprised me with it.  I am so happy, and feel so blessed by this gift.  

This was our first full Christmas in our new home.  I can't tell you how hard I struggled with my normal routine and missing my family.  I thought I was so prepared for being away from my family and the longer I am here the more I realize that I was not fully prepared.   I felt so out of sorts that I think I cancelled Christmas 10 times before Christmas Day.  I struggled with my depression, which left my immediate family wondering how they could help me. I literally walked around for day with tears just pouring down my face, and  I couldn't give an explanation as to why. I managed to pull it together and below are some photos, from around the house. 

January is National Soup Month...  and well Soup is a favorite any month!! I make soup at least twice a week through fall and winter.  My family enjoys it and is perfectly happy with it as a meal.  I usually make soup and serve with a small salad or crusty warm bread.  Soup can be hearty and nutritious and can be made relatively  quickly.  Pinterest is a great resource for recipes.  So far this month I've made Italian Wedding Creamy Chicken and Rice Olive Garden Zuppa Toscana White Bean and Zucchini  Italian Sausage Loaded Baked Potato Manga! 

These are my husbands and sons lunch bags.  Each day I pack them with meals that are made to nourish them not only physically, but emotionally as well.  Both my husband and son work swing or night shifts.  Each night they miss dinner with our family.  This includes my daughter in law and two precious grandsons.  I look at those bags and I see dirt, and grease from their jobs. Each morning I open them to pull out the dirty containers and the no longer frozen  ice packs. As I exam the containers I think about what they've eaten or haven't eaten.  Both my husband and son are extremely hard workers.  They will run 6 days a week 12 hours shifts.  My daughter in law stays at home with my two grandsons, but this past year has brought me to working full time.  I miss taking care of my family as my full time job and I often cave to the pressure of still having to do all that plus work full time.  But thos...

So it takes 30 days to start a new habit or get back into one. I'm on 21 days of Menu Planning for three weeks so far! I'm totally starting to feel a sense of normalcy and peace about getting back into the program again, especially with meal planning. I also like to have fun with my menu planning.. so here's what's happening this week on our side of the mountain. Meatless Monday- Summer corn and squash soup! Tuesday-Homemade Chinese, Beef and Broccoli ( took a break from our taco tuesday) Wednesday- Baked Mac N Cheese with Ham (family favorite) Thursday-Breakfast for Dinner Finger Food Friday- All finger type foods, chicken wings, tater tots, slices of cucumbers, carrots with dipping sauce. Saturday-Chicken Pot Pie   Nothing Brings People together,  like Good Food! 

July is when my Christmas Obsession begins to peek its head! I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE Christmas! And July is when I find it acceptable to start thinking about it! I confess that yes, I will even begin to play Christmas Music! It is also number 5 birthday month! Her birthday is the 30th and she starts her celebration and countdown to her special day on July 1st! She is my sweet girl. and she loves to party like her mother. So any excuse to have a great day and she is there! I think her and I have created our own holidays! So if you start your first pay period in July by putting $30 in an envelope and adding 1 dollar every week to that by the second week in December you will have an extra $800 to use for Christmas! How awesome is  that!