Sunday, September 25, 2016

So Many Changes...

Ah, September!
You are the doorway to the season
that awakens my soul! 

Our life has literally been a whirlwind of change for the past few years. What a challenge that has been for me, as I loved my previous life. 

Yes, I call it my previous life..because it was a totally different life. 

I was a stay at home, homeschooling mama, who took great care of her husband and children. I loved my life of cooking and cleaning and caring for my people.  

When my husband lost his great job 4 years ago it slowly rocked our world. And as much as we tried to hang in there and resist change.. We had to accept it and move forward. 

So this mama has had to put two of her precious babies into school full time. You will never know the despair my heart felt. It was something I never thought I'd see myself be doing. 

This mama has had to go to work full time. Again, not something I pictured myself doing. 

This mama has a beautiful grandson, that lives with her full time along with his mother my future daughter in law and my son. 

This mama is dealing with her husband living out of state, because it was the only place he was offered a job. 

This mama is tired. 

This mama is creating a new normal as best she can. 

This mama knows she is loved unconditionally by my God who knows the bigger picture. 

This mama is blessed.. 

I'm back...

I was locked out of my blogger for almost a year! But after hours upon HOURS of research. I was able to fix it!!! yay!!!

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Wallpaper +therpy

You would think how can removing wallpaper be therapeutic?

For me it was, it was a total release.

I wallpapered my bathroom 12 years ago when we first moved into our house. We had so many dreams for our home and our growing family.

My style then was one I admired, one for the time period in history. And two because all the other Titus 2 women I followed seemed to have a similar style.

When designing my home in the first few years, my heart and soul went into how I wanted it to be. How it should look, what the look reflects, How I wanted my husband and children to feel about it.

There was a lot of emotion tied up into my home. Partly I think because I moved quite a bit as a child, but always considered my grandparents house my "home" , my safe place, my warm spot, and the soft place to fall. For many years it was that. For me, My mom, my cousins. etc. It still is for me now because my mom is there. There is a certain level of attachment to the home. Not really the physical home but the emotions, and memories IN the home.

When we bought our home I couldn't wait to "create" this same atmosphere. This same sense of peace, love, warmth, understanding, love, joy.

I wanted to create that soft place to fall. 

We filled out tiny home with children, and memories.

Good, bad and ugly.

The inside of these four walls have seen Joy, Love, Dreams, Pain, Anger, Anguish, Heartache.

Back to the wallpaper. Today I decided to get rid of the wall paper in my bathroom.

With each swirl of the wallpaper tool, I felt a pang of excitement.
I sprayed the walls with my vinegar solution.. and began to peel the paper off.
Using my paper chef spatula~ :)
With each swipe, I felt such a relief.
I was playing worship music in the back round  and I could feel the release of unrealized dreams, of shattered hearts, of just emotional pain I've been hanging onto.
I was communing with God.
The music, the motions.. 

The wiping of the walls reaffirmed my Father always washing the slate clean. He will never turn from me.

The blank wall waiting for something new.. Remind me it's ok to start new. A fresh start is good. A new beginning.

My oldest daughter has been out of my house for some time. She comments quite often that, I'm breaking tradition on certain things.  I've come to realize that's ok.
She's moving on with her life and I will move on with mine and my other children, creating new memories, new traditions. And it's Ok to do that.

God has always remained faithful to me, his servant.
My desire is still the same, serve my God, Love my husband, Love my children, Honor my mother and father. Teach my children His ways, and do so to the best of my ability.

My brokenness, my repentance, my forgiveness by my savior has been realized.

My broken dreams are gone, my heart has accepted what is and is ready to move forward with what will come.

Who would've thought how removing wallpaper would draw me closer still to my Lord.


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